Choose your own BDSM lifestyle: How the Ethical Dom and his slaves found their own brand of Total Power Exchange
This story was originally published at theethicaldom.com
Slaves get up in the morning before the Boss. Cleaned, groomed, douched; with our shorts on and our socks pulled up, we are ready to serve. The Boss likes his tea black, bag left in — builder’s tea. We assume our positions, ready for morning inspection. If one of us speaks without permission the punishment is slow and painful. Inspection over, we go about our day. Not free, still owned; as property of The Boss we go to work.
The Boss urges a slave to work outside the home if that’s where it needs to be to pursue its career. Our schedules are shared on a weekly basis at a regular family meeting. With the right attitude, slave can still work elsewhere while being in service of the Boss; we alway feel owned, 24/7. Going about the necessary parts of our lives, we do it all still knowing who we love, honour and obey.
Workday ended; slaves return home. Keys, wallets, and phones left at the door. Next we take off our outdoor clothes, shedding our alter-egos with them. House uniform goes back on, formal or informal depending on the occasion. It would be safe to assume we fall back into the 24/7 TPE (total power exchange) lifestyle we have all consented to, but in fact we never left.
Power Dynamics
Power dynamics are present in all relationships, forever shifting, even between vanilla couples. Striving for equal power is commonplace in such partnerships. Before we realise, the only way to get on is to play to individual strengths and weakness. A couple may find it easier to navigate life as a unit when allowing this balance of power to flow organically. This could present itself in many ways, say, a couple having to deal with one of them being socially anxious — leading to the more confident of the two picking up the reigns, assuming more power within a social interaction.
What is TPE?
Total Power Exchange may sound like a rigid form of BDSM. It sounds rigid, directing our minds to only one set of hardened protocols. Yet with a little bit of imagination it can be as malleable as you want. Within a TPE lifestyle Master(s) can micromanage as much as they and their slave(s) want and need — a consensual agreement. For a predetermined amount of time, the Master is in complete control. Slave surrenders all rights, all choices, submitting to complete domination.
In its most extreme form, TPE could see a slave kept under lock and key 24/7 — never seeing daylight, every second of its life dedicated to service of Master’s every need, want and whim. Then there are those who take a more pragmatic, nuanced approach.
The beauty of a TPE comes from honesty, from truth. It leaves little room for hidden feelings. By design, both/all parties must be upfront about their strengths and weaknesses. Power is weighted in such a way that, if things haven’t been openly discussed and negotiated upfront, the relationship is often doomed to fail. The Boss has heard from more than one of his bois that they have never experienced such honesty and truth in a relationship.
Within a vanilla relationship there are all those hidden power dynamics. We don’t tend to reveal our weaknesses early on, as they aren’t forced into the light. What’s hidden in a total power exchange is a level of equality, albeit obscured by the top-level control. A slave, just like its Master, must consent (in an informed way) to everything that goes on within their relationship. Both/all members of a dynamic head into the relationship fully aware of where the power lies. Negotiations over and mutual consent expressed, there shouldn’t be any need for a power struggle. Unless that is part of the exchange.
Contracts are common, contracts which help navigate the often complex and ever-expanding rulebook. The document also serves as a way of strengthening what one hopes is an already tight bond.
There is no correct way to pursue a TPE dynamic within a relationship. Indeed, the exchange could apply to the shortest of bedroom sessions or even for the rest of your life. The Boss adapted it and with a little work, you too can craft it to suit the lifestyle you don’t just want, but need. In our House TPE is for life, with a nod toward the outside world and the way we live within it.
Pragmatic TPE
In an ideal world slaves would be at their Masters knees 24/7, when not carrying out assigned tasks — in and out of the bedroom. But we live in a world where that would be a struggle even for the most hardened Master/slaves. Our approach is fairly simple. The main thing to recognise is that we ARE in fact at The Boss’ knees, 24/7, but sometimes, we mean ‘in spirit’.
The Boss makes certain allowances. As few as possible, but he is a pragmatist. He knows how the world works and despite an understandable disdain for the general public, he likes to live in it. He is also by his very nature compelled to see his bois succeed outside of the House. It’s in his best interests. A slave fulfilled in all aspects of life is more motivated, more productive — useful.
We slaves all work outside of the House. Just like you, we have needs that stretch beyond the most basic. The Boss will occasionally acknowledge these, given we follow the correct protocol, and seek permission. An example: l’esclave futé wishes to go with friend X for coffee. He must ask permission and if the Boss says no, tough. The Boss isn’t one to reject every slave request that lands on his lap, but should he have good reason or a subtle sadistic whim, he will. Perv slave might ask to go a-cruising in the woods. Although, if this were to be an actual request The Boss would probably lock the perv firmly in chastity and say, ‘off you go then.’
Downtime in our House is real. The Boss knows that to keep a slave in physical and mental check, it is beneficial for it to climb out of subspace now and again. Some within the BDSM community call this the 23/7 approach to TPE. 23/7 doesn’t mean an hour off a day specifically, but it makes allowances for the realities of life carrying on. This is good for all concerned, even The Boss. If he never found time to himself he would be ploughing through slaves as fast as he would a Fruit & Nut bar. The garden has been freshly mowed — it’s not the time to start digging deep holes.
This pragmatism is all levelled out with the correct attitude. We all feel completely owned — all day every day — be it at work, out with a friend, there is no doubt in our minds who is in control. We are in service to The Boss even if we aren’t in the same room, the same House. When we return Home, we pick up where we left it. Duties are endless, but they are part of the life we have signed up for. Slave meat takes its daily pain like the good little bitch-boi it is. We are regimented through specific postures and controlled by silent hand gestures — not to mention the famous Anderson stare (if you see it, run).
While we would use 23/7 to explain our approach, it doesn’t stop us feeling like we are in this 24/7. Slave Paul for example, never forgot who owned him, even if he was sat with his feet up in his bedroom, sipping a glass of Shiraz and watching Corrie (because that’s just the sort of classy bitch he was outside of serfdom).
What’s your approach?
We would love to hear from anyone else living a TPE lifestyle, whether it be in a rigid, 24/7 protocol, or like us, juggling life around it.
Maybe you’re considering TPE, but you’re not sure if it’s right for you. Let’s discuss that.
Feel free to leave a comment. Remember, email and name are optional fields, you can remain as anonymous as you please.
Thanks for reading,
The Boss and his bois
